Tag Archives: dating

The dating game…

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A lovely afternoon was planned to be spent on the park joining in the celebrations in Preston of Guild 2012. Blaze festival on Miller Park was one of many events of the past week. Prepared with 3 different outfits (I’d stayed at Catherine’s) due to the ever changing weather, I’d decided on the wrong one. Shorts and T didn’t match the clouds and breeze! It had been a fantastic week of events ( so everyone said) including opera, music, drama, vintage and outdoor cinema. This was the final day and was a small affair. Getting hungry we ventured for food.

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I felt a little out of place when we decided on moka for food and drinks. The shorts were pretty short and not helped by faux leather seats under the bottom.. Sweating makes denim stick! A modern cafe bar serving the usual sandwich meals and a glass cake display which got our attention straight away. We were hungry so we were staying.

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As we sat eating our food we caught up on the latest from the dating websites. Both on a very large, free dating site there is always something to talk about. The fact it’s free means it attracts all sorts, which is what provides the topics of conversation.

This means it does 4 things for your confidence-
1. Demoralises it as people so unsuited to you get in touch and leaves you wondering.. why?
2. Boosts it because there’s a handsome man messaging you
3. Plummets it again when you realise they’re far too young -you then see further pictures of them amidst a group of young boys on a night out looking like they’re waiting to be picked up by their dad!
4. Freaks you out when you get abuse from strangers or end up with a certified stalker like my sister (thankfully he’s now been arrested!)

Today I hadn’t checked in in a while so I did it so we could both see. This is what awaited me…

Ridiculous names
This is popular in my inbox. Recents have been called
Div head,
Mr Magoo,
Nohillbilly,
Oosohot,
Nuttynuke,
Geebies,

Any grown man who chooses such names are deleted without reading. I’m sorry but how grown up are these guys with names like these?

Repeat offenders

These men have messaged me, then again, then again, then again etc. I have a note on my profile saying ‘ if I don’t reply happy fishing and please don’t contact me again’. So why do they message again? One guy has sent 8 up to now, his last one asking ‘ am I not right for you?’.. Erm what do you think?! I’ve had the experience of being polite and saying thanks but no thanks and guys saw that as a response. So it’s best not to respond , not out of rudeness but avoidance tactics.

Varied choice of photos

Men don’t see themselves as women see them. This is obvious by the choice of photos they choose to sell themselves. I’m sure lots of women want to see a toned body and some (including myself) like tatoos but close ups? Not needed. Neither do I want to date a crayon, dog or a car!

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Randoms
Then there’s the ones who want to-dominate, a slave, be dominated or have issues and want to watch you with someone else. One thing these guys have is honesty. At least you know what they’re after and time wasting is avoided.

cheesy messages

The initial message. I’m happy with a simple hi. It breaks the ice and gets the ball rolling although some object to the simplicity. I on the other hand object to-
You fancy a grizzle bear?
Ooo nice,
Yes please,
Not bad last prize,
Hmmm grrrr.

We laughed so much I spat coffee, which in Catherine’s words- “I felt that”,landed on her chin! What’s a droplet of coffee between friends laughing so much our cheeks hurt?

Thank goodness the food was great and the cake even better! Just the thing to make you feel better and get your priorities in order.

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You’ve been dumped…

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Sunday 26th August

Edge Street Party, Northern Quarter, Manchester.

Joining me-Catherine

I woke to a text from a friend asking if I fancied coffee, cake and a catch up. As if I was going to say no. I knew there was a street party happening in the Northern Quarter Manchester and considering they have great cafes this seemed a good place to meet. A quick stop for food at Simple (fry up) and then into Tib Street. Luckily at this point the rain had stopped and people had began to surface. Gazebos, tables, benches, buskers, buntin, bars, food stalls and dj’s were all out in force. The NQ was not going to be beaten by the rain!

The clouds clearedhref=”https://coffeecakeandme.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/img_0866.jpg”> the roads dried and the sound of funk, soul and dance classics coming from various dj stands dominated the streets. Taking advantage of the sun we sat amongst the crowd and opted for cold fruit cider. It’s through my new venture in the cafe world that I have found out about things going on in cities. You would never think that the places we pop in for a coffee are part of a sub culture of events, art, music and gatherings. I have decided I am part of the foodie/coffee group and it tastes good! With only one week of my holidays left so far following the bean has taken me to cities, street parties, spending time with friends, finding new places and a few dates. It has also turned me into a coffee snob!

Being with someone who doesn’t drink hot drinks places such as Home Sweet Home are perfect. Having a bar in a cafe/coffee shop is a perfect idea. While Catherine opted for a wine I managed to get my coffee fix. Due to the set up of the day cakes were limited. Having spotted someone on another table with what looked like small cakes on a chopping board I thought I’d have what they’re having.

A great coffee arrived and a wooden board, on it a glass of milk and 5 freshly made to order choc chip cookies. Random sized they looked and smelled delicious. They did not disappoint. Warm with crunchy edges and soft moist centres they went down a treat! Milkshakes were popular and looked thick and tasty.

Both being single our meets always involve a catch up on the dating front and familiar situations always crop up. The mobile phone generation has made texting the most common way of communicating. It also makes things very easy. Like rejecting someone. It avoids confrontation or even having to verbally say it to someone or having to get into a conversation about it. But that’s if you’re lucky.

I say this because despite the fact texting makes difficult situations very easy it is growing ever more common to suddenly hear nothing. One minute you’re planning when you’re next seeing them or a first date, the next you send a text and in return you get nothing. Not a cancellation, let’s rearrange or a sorry but I’ve changed my mind. All of those things easy to do over a text or so you’d think but, apparantly not. Or is it? I think it is if you’ve got manners. Ignoring texts is rude and leaves someone on the other end wondering what is going on. This type of behaviour goes on from men despite their age. Not something exclusive to young guys and boys, surely you would expect better from a man in his 40’s? Infact it appears the older the man the worse the problem. This usually is the case when some sort of ‘situation’ is going on at their end. Instead of communicating this with you the contact stops. So, if one minute you’re getting lovely texts but the next you don’t hear from them consider yourself ‘dumped’!

Toy boy anyone?…

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25th August 2012

Saturday morning and there’s only one thing that will do…a good cup of coffee and a bacon buttie. It was a sunny morning so I took a walk  and ordered my coffee and bacon roll. The deli was busy and the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of the coffee machine filled the air. I selected a magazine from the rack and took a seat outside . It was one of those gossipy mags which one minute is saying someone has a great figure and the next is saying they’re fat. You know the type, we all loathe them really as they’re bitchy and selling a lifestyle which is unrealistic to most ‘normal’ people yet we succumb to them.

While I waited for my breakfast I read the usual tripe that is probably untrue. The bit that caught my attention was a small piece about Jude Law 39 dating a model who’s 26. Then there was an interview with Peter Andre (39) gushing about how great his 23 year old girlfriend is and what interesting conversations they have. As I tucked into my food I thought- Why is it totally acceptable for a man to date a younger woman, in some cases much younger? Yet, there are plenty of raised eyebrows when it’s the other way round.

Having said that the real issue for me is I don’t understand why they want to date someone so much younger. Take away the obvious- the girls look good, their skin is tighter and it give the guys an ego boost, what do they actually have in common?

I mean I couldn’t imagine turning up to meet friends with a 23 year old man in tow. Yes I’m sure he’d look good and I’d expect his stomach to be toned and trim but conversation mmm that’s a different matter. I would be dreading what he might come out with!

I’m not being judgemental I’m actually speaking from experience. Having been on the singles scene (well am) I see many young people out and about. The girls are very pretty with the barbie doll look and the boys look after themselves, were many men over 35 fail to do so. So what do you do when you’re the wrong side of 35 (ahem) amidst handsome young men? You think why not.

I went through a phase were I thought it would be rude to not enjoy myself . So depending on my age at the time I would minus an average of say 15 years (age old enough to have a baby) and I’d get my lowest age for a man I could date. And with that I had some dates with men in their early 20’s, mid 20’s and late 20’s. They were nice to look at but conversation proved hard work at times.

  • I realised songs they liked I’d heard first time around.
  • I’d sit thinking eg when I was 18 experiencing Ibiza playing Adamski and Seal you were just starting primary school.
  • I’d look around their eyes at their line free face and then be conscious of mine.
  • I hated being called ‘babe’ or ‘baby girl’. Cringe.
  • It bugged me how much time they spent texting.
  • Most lived at home with their mums still. Turn off. What do you do, go round and sit in with their mums?
  • When they talked about their weekends I’d remember doing those things but now would have a 3 day hanogover or I’d rather be sick through my eyes than do it.
  • One kissed me like he was trying to get something out of the back of my throat. His tongue was hard and like a snakes, it was truly awful. I pulled away with a look of ‘what are you doing?’
  • They just came across ‘young’.

I honestly don’t know how Caroline Flack did it. And I know boys are more immature than girls but having male single friends and seeing what they go through then I really can’t see much difference. If they’re playing games , wanting lots of wining and dining, turning up for a dvd night in heels and a dress or coming round but spending nearly all night on their phone , then they’re a young girl. You can spot it a mile off (there are always exceptions).

So what do these older men and young women talk about? I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the Peter Andres house. Or do they not care? In a world were we hear more and more that age is just a number, is it really? More women are dating younger men and why not? But is it not nice to have things in common with a partner? Or at least know most things they are talking about. Would a date who’s 25 share my love of Mork and Mindy or be able to sing along to The best of Tear for Fears? I know you don’t have to have everything in common but you get my point?

If anyone has a younger other half and it works I’d love to hear or just share your stories…
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What’s a girl to do?

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15th August 2012

Joining me-Catherine

The Continental, Preston

I love this place when I’m in Preston. It’s come a long way from the place it was 10 years ago. It’s now a cool pub with a large conservatory at the rear, beer garden and snug (separate room with sofas and comfy chairs). I know it’s not a cafe but it’s where coffee and food have led me to have a good catch up with an old friend.

It is a little unconventional for a pub holding poetry nights, arts and culture events and beer festivals. It always has a great atmosphere with a mix of people from students to families, young and old which compliments its anything goes type vibe. These are the reasons it is getting a mention, it fits my bill.

Once we’d eaten our tasty chilli salmon (never been anything but scrummy) the wine and coffee was ordered. My cappuccino didn’t quite fit my new-found (very high) standard of the creamy seemless foam topped coffee but as cappuccinos go it was typical. A decent cup for a standard size with a small piece of chocolate brownie on the saucer-a nice touch. Although I didn’t have cake the dessert options are fantastic (from prior visits and noticing plates going to nearby tables). The care and presentation is of a standard you would expect in a pricey restaurant. I did not think it appropriate to lean over and take a photo even though we did eaves drop the conversation about the intricate shredding on a caramelised basket.

When the drinks arrived it was time to start the serious catch up. Each time we meet (which is around every few months) we start from where we left off. Both single we have had some highly entertaining stories to tell each other. Unfortunately I am not able to share most of them on here to protect the innocent. Since our last meet in April I’ve mostly been a recluse due to tonsil problems, she’s lost a relationship and has met someone else. ”I’m wanting some of his bum”, I think that means she likes him!

One thing in common, we’ve both been on the same dating website. Dating websites are no longer for the old or strange. Most single people are on one, regardless of age which astounds me as when I was 23 I was still a student and was living for the weekend. A dating website did not enter my head. Now we live in the internet age, it’s very easy and very accessible and we are all very disposable.

Here are some snippets from our conversations-

  • Young men want to meet me.

I’m not old but I’m no spring chicken either and as much as it’s flattering and I like a body which doesn’t have an over hang, I don’t want that body belonging to someone who I could have given birth to. I also want to date someone who knows who Pat Benatar is (80’s singer-love is a battlefield) and not think she’s one of my mum’s friends.

  • I’ve not met him but he wants me to go round to his.

Due to the use of mobile phones the whole texting thing is easy. You get someone’s number then the texting starts. Before you know it you haven’t met them , haven’t had a conversation but they are asking you round to their house. Erm haven’t we missed something out?Interest is lost very quickly on both sides when you don’t go. What has happened to a boy/man ringing you, arranging a date and you both turn up? What’s happened to dating? . So affectively you can get someone’s number, be in touch and be dumped without ever turning up to meet them once!

  • He’s been emailing for weeks now nothing.

Oh that old chestnut. A typical dating website scenario. A guy emails and emails but never gets round to asking you to meet so you suggest meeting up, after all you’re not after a pen pal and then you don’t hear from them again. This has happened to myself many times and friends.

  • It’s amicable with my ex.

This seems to be this years trend and was shared by both of us. You start seeing someone and have no issues with them having children, after all we’re grown ups. Then they’re off loading onto you about the hassle they’re getting off their ex (I know they’ve said they are on good terms), next it’s all complicated fitting in the kids, then the ex (who has moved on with a new man) is giving them grief because they’ve met someone and all the while they’re off loading onto you. Then one day after being patient you mention how you’re feeling and boom, it’s over. Not seeing beyond the end of one’s nose springs to mind.

Juicy bits and mishaps were discussed but you’ve got to draw the line at what you share!

The internet does have its pros as well as it’s cons. My friend uses google to run searches on the people she is going to meet. This did prove fortunate one time when the guy she was due to meet came up for being charged with violence against women. Needless to say… she didn’t go.

There are times when it is good to throw caution to the wind, live a little. So, if the prospect of a little bit of fun pops up when you’re at a festival then so be it. Rewind 10/15 years ago tents would be empty, friends would be watching the bands till closing and I’m sure we had summers then? Forward to this year and the rain poured, people had to share tents and some have children old enough to join them. So when the opportunity to steal a cheeky snog comes up nothing kills the moment like the awareness that the tent is full and one side is your friend and on the other is their son. What do you do?

One thing that stands out is it doesn’t get any easier the older you get. You still ask will they ring me? You still ponder over do I look too keen if I get in touch? And you still do stupid things and regret them the next day!